Normal place, strange girl?

Just a quick post this time with an update about challenge no2 (I had considered adding a post about my latest baking exploits but have put quite a bit on here about bread and cakes – and I think we all need a break from that – lest they become even less popular than the references to Hercules).

This weekend 3 of the 6 people who helped set the original challenges were up in Newcastle for a couple of days (Laura, Nick and Kate). Thanks to the chaotic way we always seem to do these things everyone arrived at different times. Nick was the first to turn up having spent the day on the bus coming up from London and we had a while to wait before Kate arrived on the train – the pub and a curry house seemed a sensible place to while away the 5 intervening hours J

We had a nice couple of beers in the Bacchus, then proceeded to Akbars for a slightly disappointing curry (Rabbit Tandoori definitely didn’t work). Eventually we made our way down to the Town Wall for a last couple of drinks before Kate’s train arrived. After dodging the drunk couple at the bar who were trying in vain to hold one another up we managed to find a seat on a long table with a bunch of girls having a leaving do. There were some mild protests about it being their reserved table but eventually Gemma, the girl who’s leaving do it was, kindly said it was ok for us to perch ourselves at the end. They then proceeded to leave us be and get on with their drinking. This situation would have remained had Nick not decided to bomb their group photo by doing his best Fonzy impression at the back of the shot.

Not Nick – but we never got a copy of the actual photo bomb

They didn’t notice for a while but eventually when they checked back through they saw him – they were impressed by his pose and we had a bit of chat then one of the party. Came and sat next to me and started talking…………. and talking……… and talking. I struggle to remember any of what she was saying but we could barely get a word in edgeways (I think she may have been a bit dismissive about me and Nick being scientists at one point – she was a legal secretary)– what I do remember is over the course of this decidedly one way conversation her hand moved onto my knee then worked its way up my leg over the course of about 20 minutes. Technically there was clear potential to pull – however the pub could not really be considered a strange place, though the girl herself through did prove herself to be quite strange with some of the stuff she was saying including randomly starting an argument with someone at another table for no other discernible reason than he was from Cumbria. By this time Kate’s train was in so we decided it was time to leave.

So challenge two not completed – but writing it down has helped me continue with challenge 6. When recounting this story to a friend (who has asked to remain anonymous) I was asked why we decided to leave when there was such a clear possibility? Because she was crackers - I replied. His response, REDACTED.

Losing my religion

“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

I’ve done challenge number one and making fairly steady progress on challenges 2 and 10. I ought to look at some of the others and start making plans. Today is st valentines day so the logical one to look at would be challenge 2 – but for the very same reason today is far too depressing a day to start planning for that one, though recommendations for strange places to complete that challenge are welcome.

Then again, it is a saints day so I could be argued that I should have a look at challenge 12 (become an ordained minister of a religion or cult). This will be tricky being an atheist, also the wording of the challenge implies that I should become an ordained minister of an existing religion – I’m not allowed to start a new one (this is a shame as if I could start one of my own then “thou shalt not get over excited about cupcakes” would be near the top of the commandment list). The Catholics do seem to have a vacancy coming up, and it would be nice to go straight in at the top…………

 

Do you think they might want to employ a supply pope? (p.s. i know its Robbie Coltrane really)

But apart from being utterly impossible it would also be horribly offensive to about 2 billion worshipers worldwide. I guess I have to start small, so some research into the world’s smaller, more obscure religions would seem to be called for. A quick bit of googling turned up some very bizarre religions including a group in the Czech Republic that believe in godly extra terrestrials communicating with us via a man called Brenda, the Nuwaubianists, who amongst other things believe………

·         People were once perfectly symmetrical and ambidextrous, but then a meteorite struck Earth and tilted its axis causing handedness and shifting the heart off-center in the chest

·         Each of us has seven clones living in different parts of the world

·         Women existed for many generations before they invented men through genetic manipulation

·         Homo sapiens is the result of cloning experiments that were done on Mars using Homo erectus

·         Nikola Tesla came from the planet Venus

But my personal favourite is the Prince Philip Movement. The Prince Philip Movement is a cargo cult of the Yaohnanen tribe on the southern island of Tanna in Vanuatu. The Yaohnanen believe that Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, the consort to Queen Elizabeth II, is a divine being, the pale-skinned son of a mountain spirit and brother of John Frum. According to ancient tales the son travelled over the seas to a distant land, married a powerful lady and would in time return. The villagers had observed the respect accorded to Queen Elizabeth II by colonial officials and came to the conclusion that her husband, Prince Philip, must be the son from their legends. When the cult formed is unclear, but it is likely that it was sometime in the 1950s or 1960s. Their beliefs were strengthened by the royal couple’s official visit to Vanuatu in 1974 when a few villagers had the opportunity to observe the prince from afar. Prince Philip is aware of the religion and has exchanged gifts with its leaders and even visited them (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement).

Members of the Prince Philip Movement with photos of one of his visits (Wikipedia, 2013)

Interesting though all of these sound, none are particularly tempting to join. So instead I’m having a little go a religious observance by giving up something for lent, in my case chocolate – this has already backfired on me today when having discovered we were out of milk in the coffee room at work – I decided to have a hot chocolate and then realized I couldn’t – bugger! Thanks goodness I didn’t decide to give up beer!

Let them eat cake

Just a short update on progress with baking challenge....... Taking Penny, Laura's and Colin's advice I have invested in some baking equipment - a new mixing bowl and an electric mixer and had another go at cake. Just a plain sponge recipie , 250g caster sugar, 250g self raising flour, 250g butter and four eggs, following the mixing advice Penny and Laura gave and keeping in the oven for quite a while longer resulted in the cake in the photo below (i did the check with the spike to). The cake tastes pretty good and I think I can now move on to doing the whole layers, fillings, iceing etc :-) will have to find some volunteers to taste test at work tomorrow.

 

no sinking in the middle this time

also had another go at bread, this time something a little more adventurous, sun dried tomato and olive bread - i really should get a proper bread tin to get the shape right, but it tastes lush (even if I do say so myself), i would have tried finding some volunteers for the taste testing but have nearly eaten it all already. I'll definately keep baking bread once the challenges are completed :-)



thinking I'll be making more next weekend

Erm, excuse me mate but i think you've nicked my towel

Another two week gap in the blog posts…. Must get myself a bit more organised, though the gap is largely due to not really making any progress last weekend. However, I can make up for it this weekend as I have made solid progress on challenge number 1.

A quick re-cap on what Hercules had to do for his first labour – he had to slay the Nemean Lion, this beastie had been pretending to be women in distress at the back of a cave, luring men to come and rescue them then devouring them and sending their bones to Hades. Hercules tried slaying the lion with arrows but they all bounced off so he had to resort to stunning it with a club and then strangling it. My first challenge was “non arrestable public nudity” – not as dangerous but one of the challenges I was most nervous about.

Public nudity is a little frowned upon  by the general public and in particular the police service – I didn’t want to streak at a football match and get myself into trouble with the law so I ended up doing a bit of google research on naturism/nudism. No obvious options came up but then chatting to a mate Phil about this he remembered that there used to be a monthly naked swimming event at the East End Pool, some more googling revealed that this was still running though had now moved to the city pool to make use of the Turkish baths and the next event was on the 9^th of February (that was yesterday – you can see where this is going). I didn’t fully make my mind up to try it until Thursday evening but I duly filled out the online booking form on the Naturist Club website, paid my £10 via paypal, and a few minutes later received my confirmation email with some helpful instructions (bring two towels, don’t bring trunks etc). It was really only after getting the email that I started to think / worry about what this was going to involve – getting my kit off in front of total strangers – and how I might have to explain why I was trying this for the first time (“well… erm… it was a sort of drunken New Years Eve bet….” Probably wouldn’t win me many new friends).

Just after 5pm on Friday I remembered I would have to print a copy of the email as confirmation of my booking, this presented a problem as I don’t have a printer at home, the only ones I have access to are at work. Oh well, I thought, its only a minor misuse of office supplies – I logged on to my email account found the right email and without thinking hit the print button…………. Completely forgetting that unless I’d getting the print setting right the email could be sent to anyone of about 30 printers scattered across three buildings . To say my heart started racing is something of an understatement – 5 seconds of frantic mouse clicking revealed that it had thankfully been sent to one in my building, only one floor down but it just happens to be one that everyone on that floor uses. I’m not sure I’ve  ever run so fast in doors but thankfully I was able to recover the email helpfully titled “Your booking confirmation from Nudeswim” and with my name all over it before anyone could get near it – panic over (for a day at least).

The following day was of course the 9^th and as the event didn’t start 5 I had the whole day to mull it over – a ten mile run in the afternoon took my mind off things for a while but by 4 it was time to get ready, pack two towels and no trunks, and head into town. I got to the pool about 10 minutes after the doors opened and lined up with about a dozen very average folks as we each had to have our name /ID checked, the chap doing the checking realised I was a first timer and very kindly got someone to show me around. The changing area was the dry room in the Turkish Bath section, all very nicely set out and full off naked people sitting around, chatting and having a drink. At this point I was left to take my clothes off in a screened off area. Walking back into the main area was surprisingly stress free – I stopped to put my clothes in a locker (being very careful not to bump into anyone) and then headed for the pool. We were told we had to cover up with a towel to get between the Turkish bath and the pool as it was vsible to the public. The pool was already reasonably full by the time I got there – about 30-40 people, ranging from late 20s to late 60s, about two thirds men, felt a bit strange but not too weird until I saw the two life guards, a boy and a girl, both in their early 20s, fully clothes . For some reason you feel a lot more naked when there are fully clothed people around!

Getting into the pool without shorts on did feel strange, as did swimming to start off with – you become aware of water turbulence in ways you don’t normally do – but once I’d done a couple of lengths it all felt quite normal. Yes there were a lot of naked people around but swimming is swimming. I spent about 40 minutes swimming up and down – I’d decided that goggles were a bad idea so was going a little slow – and chatted to a couple of the other swimmers.

All was going swimmingly (pardon the pun) until I decided to try out the Turkish baths. Getting out of the pool I noticed that a bloke had just picked up MY towel! And before I could do anything he’d wrapped it around his waist! I needed that towel to get back to the changing area without flashing the public! I quickly explained to the gent that he’d got the wrong towel and took great care to note which side of it had been on the inside!

After a quick trip to replace said towel I had a go in the Turkish bath bit. It was my first time in one (either clothed or unclothed), it was very pleasant, a little odd chatting to naked strangers about random things like buses but still v nice. Eventually it was kicking out time, so had a quick freezing cold shower, said goodbyes to a few of the people I’d been chatting to, put my clothes back on and headed back out into the cold night air.

So that was the first challenge passed (a slightly long post, this has taken ages to type), not nearly as out of the comfort zone as I had expected. The people I met were all v nice, I felt a little bad about being a bit of a tourist at their event. Very glad I tried it though and the conclusion I came away with is that the germans have this sort of thing dead right, naturism is no stranger than ski-ing, golf or bowling.

Baking part 2

My plans to put at least one blog post online every week have suffered a little setback and this post is a couple of days late. Thankfully when the challenges were written down the regularity of blog posts was not specified so am hoping the judges (Laura, Kate, Nick, Al and Anne) won’t disqualify me for the occasional late post but its probably not a good idea to get out of the habit.

I’m still looking at options for how to complete the other challenges so can only really report on progress with the baking for the time being. The first lot of scones turned out to be edible and non poisonous. I thought the two I ate were ok, perhaps a little eggy, but the only way to get an impartial opinion was to get some impartial testers/tasters. I duly took 6 scones in to work and forced some of my PhD students and co-workers to eat them/give their opinion. Their verdicts are re-produced below……..

“Thin, crispy. It would have been nicer if you had followed the recipe – suggest you buy a rolling pin”

Dr Colin Davie

“Erm, do I have to tell you? “

Mr Chris Davies

“I’ll pass thanks……..”

Prof. Peter Gosling

“well, its edible…….”

Mr Ross Sterling

“Lovely, very tasty”

Prof. Stephanie Glendinning

“V nice, can I have another one?”

Dr Geoff Abbot

So, mixed reviews there. Undaunted I had another couple of goes at scones during the week culminating in making some more cherry scones to take round to Jen and Des’s on Friday night. A considerable improvement on the previous efforts they went down very well with strawberry jam and ice-cream. I guess this shows practice makes perfect (well almost).

Buoyed up by this success I decided to have a go at cake and bread on Sunday (20^th) afternoon. The cake was a basic sponge recipe (225g flour, 225g butter, 225g caster sugar, 4 eggs) with flavouring in the form of some hot chocolate powder. Another equipment issue was identified during the mixing process – trying to do a cake mix without a kitchen mixer is nightmare! 20 minutes of stirring, kneading etc and the butter just wouldn’t mix in. Eventually I got bored and just slung the gooey mix in a baking tin and shoved it in the oven for the recipes recommended 20 minutes. The cake looked done after this time, sadly appearances can be deceptive (see photo). The edges of the cake were ok but the centre was still goo. The result was pretty inedible, back to the drawing board then!

how the cake came out of the oven.......................

...........and what it looked like when i cut into it...........

The bread went much better, I cheated a bit using a standard mix from a supermarket and just a added a few of the recommended bits and pieces. The bread took a lot of kneading and stretching, and again I was hampered by lack of the right sort of equipment (no bread tins). But taking Colin’s advice I followed the instructions to the letter and the result was a perfectly edible (if slightly flat) loaf.

my first attempt at bread, slightly more succesful than the cake

I started writing this post a few days ago but have been a bit busy to get it finished. I’ve just had my first go at making apple pie (it’s in the oven as I type). If all goes well I’ll post the results later on this eve.

first attempt at apple pie

not too bad......... a little bit sweet but that's probaly becasue i didn't use cooking apples... will take some in to work and get some more impartial opinions

 

Begin at the end of the middle

“A story should have a beginning, a middle and an end, but not necessarily in that order”
Jean-Luc Godard

After yesterday’s admission that I hadn’t made much progress I thought I’d better get on with things and start making some tangible progress so today, given that most of the tasks will require a fair bit of forward planning I selected an easy one, no.10 – hosting a tea party. Before I inflict my baking skills on any poor unfortunates I need to get some practise in. Some Google based research of a few American (its always good to get an external perspective on these sorts of things) websites tells me that a teas party should consist of small sandwiches, scones, and cake served on a 3 tiered serving tray. I know I can do sandwiches, making a cake seemed like a bit excessive, so I thought I’d start with scones.

Hercules’s 10^th challenge (for those who weren’t paying attention in the previous post) was to obtain the cattle of Geryon. It took him a while, first he had to cross a dessert, then sail around in a golden cup in order to get to Erythia where Geryon kept them. Upon arriving he was attacked by a three headed dog, which he clubbed to death (good practise for when he had to catch Cerberus later on) then Geryon, who was non to happy about a naked greek hero come to nick his cows. He shot Geryon with a poisoned arrow then set about herding the cows back to Eurystheus. Understandably tired after all the fighting and cattle rustling he fell asleep and Cacus (a local cannibal) pinched half of the cattle, making them walk backwards so they wouldn’t leave a trail (pretty cunning but not clear on why a cannibal would want to steel so much beef?). No sooner had Hercules rounded them all up again than Hera (that goddess who started all this) sent a gadfly to sting the cattle and they scattered and it took him a year to round them all up and get them home. King Eurystheus was so pleased to get the herd he immediately had them all sacrificed – bit ungrateful but maybe he was a vegetarian?

Anyway, back to scone making. A bit of advice from Penny and a quick bit of google based research turned up a suitable recipe…………. ( http://britishfood.about.com/od/eorecipes/r/fruitscones.htm) and I was ready to begin. I set to work with Radio 4 for company (Classic serial: An angel at my table by Janet Frame). The first issue I noticed was that the claim of only 15 minutes preparation time was hopelessly optimistic, it took me that long just to get everything weighed out sieved etc. The next problem was that while I had all the ingredients I don’t have a rolling pin – a wine bottle had to do in this case.

 

Improvised baking tools, i need to buy a proper rolling pin!

The main issue I encountered though was my own inability to follow instructions. I had just rolled out the scone mix when a glance across the worktop revealed three unopened sachets. Ah!, that would be the baking powder! So guessing that it probably doesn’t make much difference what order you add everything I kneaded the powder into the mix and rolled it out again. 15 minutes in the oven and the results can be seen below – not bad for a first attempt? I have eaten one of them, it tasted ok, if maybe a bit eggy and so far I’ve suffered to ill effects. However, if there are no further bog posts then you may assume the worst.

Result! - Bring on cake!

What's in a name?

Well it’s been nearly a week since my first post and the progress against my goals has been, erm, well, zero. Not the best of starts I think you’ll agree? I have had more of a chance to speak to a few people about the list, reaction has been mixed, both in the merit of taking on these tasks and in my ability to complete the all within the year (further bets have been suggested/offered but the prospect of having to wear that Sunderland football shirt is bad enough without contemplating anything else for the moment).

Whilst I haven’t actually achieved any of the things on the list (save for this blog, and it only has two entries on it so far) there has been lots of planning and discussion. Some suggestions have been made about trying to complete several challenges in one go – for example playing Lady Godiva (sp?) with the Sao Paulo amateur dramatics in Brazil would achieve challenges 1, 3, 9 and 11, though this might be a bit tricky to achieve (since this would probably also mean adding learning Portuguese and having a sex change to the list). I’ve received some baking and music advice from Jen and Des (the subject of making cupcakes has been raised and dismissed – I will post a rant about the evils of cupcakes in a later blog). So, apart from blogging about my lack of progress, there isn’t much for me to write. That being the case, I’m left with explaining the title of the blog.

Al suggested the title as a parody of the 12 labours of Hercules. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this myth (or myths) and can’t be bothered to look it up on Wikipedia (that’s where I’ve done my research/copy and pasteing/ for this blog – my students would be horrified) Hercules is the Roman name/adaptation of the Greek hero Heracles who performed 12 labours for King Eurestheus (it was originally supposed to be 10 but he was disqualified for two as he cheated) in penance for killing his own 6 sons.

 

Hercules Slaying the Hydra (Antonio del Pollaiuolo, 1475) (in the nude - sort of - so completing challenge no. 1 on my list)

Mass children murdering being a rather serious offence the labours were a touch more difficult than my list (since my “penance” is for having a few too many beers with my friends on NYE and he had 12 years to do them all this only seems fair).

The full list (or one version of it in the Bibleotheca – shamelessly copied and pasted from wikipedia) is………….

1. Slay the Nemean Lion.
2. Slay the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra.
3. Capture the Golden Hind of Artemis.
4. Capture the Erymanthian Boar.
5. Clean the Augean stables in a single day.
6. Slay the Stymphalian Birds.
7. Capture the Cretan Bull.
8. Steal the Mares of Diomedes.
9. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.
10. Obtain the cattle of the monster Geryon.
11. Steal the apples of the Hesperides.
12. Capture and bring back Cerberus.

Once he’d completed the challenges, and threatened to set Cerberus on King Eurestheus, he was released from his labours. Being a sensible type rather than going into retirement he joined Jason and the Argonauts and went looking for the golden fleece. He had a few more adventures but expired eventually when he persuaded one of his friends to set fire to him after his wife had accidentally poisoned him with some blood given to her by a centaur that had tried to sexually assault her (the centaur told her it was a love potion - some people are far too trusting). As a demi god he went straight up to Olympus where he ended up marrying Hebe the daughter of the Goddess Hera (the one who’d driven him mad and made him kill his sons) – I think this would count as challenge 2 (pull in a strange place), apart from probably riding the odd horse (11), maybe dressing up as a women to trick someone - this always seems to happen in these myths (9), and getting out and about in the nude (1) to do some Hydra slaying (see picture above)  that’s as close to my list of challenges as he got.

So a long (and heavily simplified) explanation of why my challenges are not really like his, but it has helped me keep going with challenge 6 - so i guess thats ok!?