Normal place, strange girl?

Just a quick post this time with an update about challenge no2 (I had considered adding a post about my latest baking exploits but have put quite a bit on here about bread and cakes – and I think we all need a break from that – lest they become even less popular than the references to Hercules).

This weekend 3 of the 6 people who helped set the original challenges were up in Newcastle for a couple of days (Laura, Nick and Kate). Thanks to the chaotic way we always seem to do these things everyone arrived at different times. Nick was the first to turn up having spent the day on the bus coming up from London and we had a while to wait before Kate arrived on the train – the pub and a curry house seemed a sensible place to while away the 5 intervening hours J

We had a nice couple of beers in the Bacchus, then proceeded to Akbars for a slightly disappointing curry (Rabbit Tandoori definitely didn’t work). Eventually we made our way down to the Town Wall for a last couple of drinks before Kate’s train arrived. After dodging the drunk couple at the bar who were trying in vain to hold one another up we managed to find a seat on a long table with a bunch of girls having a leaving do. There were some mild protests about it being their reserved table but eventually Gemma, the girl who’s leaving do it was, kindly said it was ok for us to perch ourselves at the end. They then proceeded to leave us be and get on with their drinking. This situation would have remained had Nick not decided to bomb their group photo by doing his best Fonzy impression at the back of the shot.

Not Nick – but we never got a copy of the actual photo bomb

They didn’t notice for a while but eventually when they checked back through they saw him – they were impressed by his pose and we had a bit of chat then one of the party. Came and sat next to me and started talking…………. and talking……… and talking. I struggle to remember any of what she was saying but we could barely get a word in edgeways (I think she may have been a bit dismissive about me and Nick being scientists at one point – she was a legal secretary)– what I do remember is over the course of this decidedly one way conversation her hand moved onto my knee then worked its way up my leg over the course of about 20 minutes. Technically there was clear potential to pull – however the pub could not really be considered a strange place, though the girl herself through did prove herself to be quite strange with some of the stuff she was saying including randomly starting an argument with someone at another table for no other discernible reason than he was from Cumbria. By this time Kate’s train was in so we decided it was time to leave.

So challenge two not completed – but writing it down has helped me continue with challenge 6. When recounting this story to a friend (who has asked to remain anonymous) I was asked why we decided to leave when there was such a clear possibility? Because she was crackers - I replied. His response, REDACTED.

Losing my religion

“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

I’ve done challenge number one and making fairly steady progress on challenges 2 and 10. I ought to look at some of the others and start making plans. Today is st valentines day so the logical one to look at would be challenge 2 – but for the very same reason today is far too depressing a day to start planning for that one, though recommendations for strange places to complete that challenge are welcome.

Then again, it is a saints day so I could be argued that I should have a look at challenge 12 (become an ordained minister of a religion or cult). This will be tricky being an atheist, also the wording of the challenge implies that I should become an ordained minister of an existing religion – I’m not allowed to start a new one (this is a shame as if I could start one of my own then “thou shalt not get over excited about cupcakes” would be near the top of the commandment list). The Catholics do seem to have a vacancy coming up, and it would be nice to go straight in at the top…………

 

Do you think they might want to employ a supply pope? (p.s. i know its Robbie Coltrane really)

But apart from being utterly impossible it would also be horribly offensive to about 2 billion worshipers worldwide. I guess I have to start small, so some research into the world’s smaller, more obscure religions would seem to be called for. A quick bit of googling turned up some very bizarre religions including a group in the Czech Republic that believe in godly extra terrestrials communicating with us via a man called Brenda, the Nuwaubianists, who amongst other things believe………

·         People were once perfectly symmetrical and ambidextrous, but then a meteorite struck Earth and tilted its axis causing handedness and shifting the heart off-center in the chest

·         Each of us has seven clones living in different parts of the world

·         Women existed for many generations before they invented men through genetic manipulation

·         Homo sapiens is the result of cloning experiments that were done on Mars using Homo erectus

·         Nikola Tesla came from the planet Venus

But my personal favourite is the Prince Philip Movement. The Prince Philip Movement is a cargo cult of the Yaohnanen tribe on the southern island of Tanna in Vanuatu. The Yaohnanen believe that Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, the consort to Queen Elizabeth II, is a divine being, the pale-skinned son of a mountain spirit and brother of John Frum. According to ancient tales the son travelled over the seas to a distant land, married a powerful lady and would in time return. The villagers had observed the respect accorded to Queen Elizabeth II by colonial officials and came to the conclusion that her husband, Prince Philip, must be the son from their legends. When the cult formed is unclear, but it is likely that it was sometime in the 1950s or 1960s. Their beliefs were strengthened by the royal couple’s official visit to Vanuatu in 1974 when a few villagers had the opportunity to observe the prince from afar. Prince Philip is aware of the religion and has exchanged gifts with its leaders and even visited them (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement).

Members of the Prince Philip Movement with photos of one of his visits (Wikipedia, 2013)

Interesting though all of these sound, none are particularly tempting to join. So instead I’m having a little go a religious observance by giving up something for lent, in my case chocolate – this has already backfired on me today when having discovered we were out of milk in the coffee room at work – I decided to have a hot chocolate and then realized I couldn’t – bugger! Thanks goodness I didn’t decide to give up beer!

Let them eat cake

Just a short update on progress with baking challenge....... Taking Penny, Laura's and Colin's advice I have invested in some baking equipment - a new mixing bowl and an electric mixer and had another go at cake. Just a plain sponge recipie , 250g caster sugar, 250g self raising flour, 250g butter and four eggs, following the mixing advice Penny and Laura gave and keeping in the oven for quite a while longer resulted in the cake in the photo below (i did the check with the spike to). The cake tastes pretty good and I think I can now move on to doing the whole layers, fillings, iceing etc :-) will have to find some volunteers to taste test at work tomorrow.

 

no sinking in the middle this time

also had another go at bread, this time something a little more adventurous, sun dried tomato and olive bread - i really should get a proper bread tin to get the shape right, but it tastes lush (even if I do say so myself), i would have tried finding some volunteers for the taste testing but have nearly eaten it all already. I'll definately keep baking bread once the challenges are completed :-)



thinking I'll be making more next weekend

Erm, excuse me mate but i think you've nicked my towel

Another two week gap in the blog posts…. Must get myself a bit more organised, though the gap is largely due to not really making any progress last weekend. However, I can make up for it this weekend as I have made solid progress on challenge number 1.

A quick re-cap on what Hercules had to do for his first labour – he had to slay the Nemean Lion, this beastie had been pretending to be women in distress at the back of a cave, luring men to come and rescue them then devouring them and sending their bones to Hades. Hercules tried slaying the lion with arrows but they all bounced off so he had to resort to stunning it with a club and then strangling it. My first challenge was “non arrestable public nudity” – not as dangerous but one of the challenges I was most nervous about.

Public nudity is a little frowned upon  by the general public and in particular the police service – I didn’t want to streak at a football match and get myself into trouble with the law so I ended up doing a bit of google research on naturism/nudism. No obvious options came up but then chatting to a mate Phil about this he remembered that there used to be a monthly naked swimming event at the East End Pool, some more googling revealed that this was still running though had now moved to the city pool to make use of the Turkish baths and the next event was on the 9^th of February (that was yesterday – you can see where this is going). I didn’t fully make my mind up to try it until Thursday evening but I duly filled out the online booking form on the Naturist Club website, paid my £10 via paypal, and a few minutes later received my confirmation email with some helpful instructions (bring two towels, don’t bring trunks etc). It was really only after getting the email that I started to think / worry about what this was going to involve – getting my kit off in front of total strangers – and how I might have to explain why I was trying this for the first time (“well… erm… it was a sort of drunken New Years Eve bet….” Probably wouldn’t win me many new friends).

Just after 5pm on Friday I remembered I would have to print a copy of the email as confirmation of my booking, this presented a problem as I don’t have a printer at home, the only ones I have access to are at work. Oh well, I thought, its only a minor misuse of office supplies – I logged on to my email account found the right email and without thinking hit the print button…………. Completely forgetting that unless I’d getting the print setting right the email could be sent to anyone of about 30 printers scattered across three buildings . To say my heart started racing is something of an understatement – 5 seconds of frantic mouse clicking revealed that it had thankfully been sent to one in my building, only one floor down but it just happens to be one that everyone on that floor uses. I’m not sure I’ve  ever run so fast in doors but thankfully I was able to recover the email helpfully titled “Your booking confirmation from Nudeswim” and with my name all over it before anyone could get near it – panic over (for a day at least).

The following day was of course the 9^th and as the event didn’t start 5 I had the whole day to mull it over – a ten mile run in the afternoon took my mind off things for a while but by 4 it was time to get ready, pack two towels and no trunks, and head into town. I got to the pool about 10 minutes after the doors opened and lined up with about a dozen very average folks as we each had to have our name /ID checked, the chap doing the checking realised I was a first timer and very kindly got someone to show me around. The changing area was the dry room in the Turkish Bath section, all very nicely set out and full off naked people sitting around, chatting and having a drink. At this point I was left to take my clothes off in a screened off area. Walking back into the main area was surprisingly stress free – I stopped to put my clothes in a locker (being very careful not to bump into anyone) and then headed for the pool. We were told we had to cover up with a towel to get between the Turkish bath and the pool as it was vsible to the public. The pool was already reasonably full by the time I got there – about 30-40 people, ranging from late 20s to late 60s, about two thirds men, felt a bit strange but not too weird until I saw the two life guards, a boy and a girl, both in their early 20s, fully clothes . For some reason you feel a lot more naked when there are fully clothed people around!

Getting into the pool without shorts on did feel strange, as did swimming to start off with – you become aware of water turbulence in ways you don’t normally do – but once I’d done a couple of lengths it all felt quite normal. Yes there were a lot of naked people around but swimming is swimming. I spent about 40 minutes swimming up and down – I’d decided that goggles were a bad idea so was going a little slow – and chatted to a couple of the other swimmers.

All was going swimmingly (pardon the pun) until I decided to try out the Turkish baths. Getting out of the pool I noticed that a bloke had just picked up MY towel! And before I could do anything he’d wrapped it around his waist! I needed that towel to get back to the changing area without flashing the public! I quickly explained to the gent that he’d got the wrong towel and took great care to note which side of it had been on the inside!

After a quick trip to replace said towel I had a go in the Turkish bath bit. It was my first time in one (either clothed or unclothed), it was very pleasant, a little odd chatting to naked strangers about random things like buses but still v nice. Eventually it was kicking out time, so had a quick freezing cold shower, said goodbyes to a few of the people I’d been chatting to, put my clothes back on and headed back out into the cold night air.

So that was the first challenge passed (a slightly long post, this has taken ages to type), not nearly as out of the comfort zone as I had expected. The people I met were all v nice, I felt a little bad about being a bit of a tourist at their event. Very glad I tried it though and the conclusion I came away with is that the germans have this sort of thing dead right, naturism is no stranger than ski-ing, golf or bowling.